What if
I said yes
To wearing a different woman’s clothes
Every day for a week
On the day I wore pink shorts
And a black and white flowery shirt
With the ruffles and Everything.
My Box hated it,
And I let it touch me
Over a shared table of food
Co-created with Archan women.
These Gaias holding space for my tears
And my fears
And my shaky too-big thighs
While angrily rubbing the sadness from my eyes
As I let my heart speak
Out the words
That I did not feel beautiful today.
That the shape and the colors of this outer dressing
Was not letting
Me look down at myself,
Don’t dare stare
At what’s down there.
This visual representation
Of my perceived mediocrity
Of my commitment to vanity
Of this pressured, competitive insanity
So I could be worthy of love.
What if
I said yes
To Reality?
About this being really how I am?
My mother’s ways so close
Yet I want to be so far
Even this, part of the game
Of trying to get out
Of trying to figure it out
To fight it and flap about
The grip of what is
Tightening in my fists
As I avoid Just This,
While the women walk with me tenderly
Into the here and now, deeper, deeply
Simply loving me.
What if
I said yes
To being in the ocean
With Lisa-Maria
Shouting “I love you!”
As the waves toss us around
Tied together by our sounds
As we declare
“We are each radiant women.”
As I de-baptized myself
From comparison and jealousy
A woman ahead of me
Is not my enemy
She is a shining example
Of all I can be
As she stands next to me
Holding my hand
As the terror thoughts flee
Showing me new possibilities
About how loving Love can be.
What if
I said yes
To clean up my mess
After I said no to Isabel
Sleeping in our room
Because I was scared
That I would drown
In the invitations
To create Offers for Intimacy
So much that I would have to run away
And not stay
In this pool of love,
Just warm enough
To call my bluff
Wrapping its arms around me.
Stay.
What if
I said yes
To bring myself forward
And address
The woman in front of me
Saying no
To going Nonlinear
To taking a spin with her
This Being waiting inside
To be radically alive
To run through the streets screaming
But instead she stayed steaming.
What if
I said yes
To this woman again
Because I love her Being
And am on her team for seeing
How incredibly freeing
It is to stand on a chair
Up in the air
Singing to the people in the restaurant who might care
And they did!
They stopped and shared
In the magic of the moment
Of this woman saying yes to herself
To dusting off the shelves
And allowing expansion
And dancing
Them clapping
Us cheering
Living together in ecstatic creation
In loving elation.
What if
I said yes
To be born on this planet
And live in the Small Now
Without planning it?
And I said yes again and again
‘Til the spirals
Brought me to a circle
With nine women
Nine hearts
Nine smarts
Nine swords so sharp
In a Gameworld
Marked by Women of Earth.
In a Bridge-House
Filled with belly laughs, cries, and shouts
Every day stretching on like a century
Every moment so complete in its simplicity,
We are inventing.
Me loving you
And you loving me
And us loving Gaia
Devotionally.
I said yes.
